The challenges
Having a new baby is one of the most amazing, as well as one of the hardest things many people will ever be lucky enough to experience. I am treasuring every precious moment especially as I never thought I’d have this. Every day is a learning curve and it is hard. There are lots of things people don’t tell you about like how hard breastfeeding is and how much it hurts.
It has been especially challenging having a baby in the midst of lockdown and not being able to have the usual visitors/help, go to in-person classes or be able to be inside other than our own homes during the winter. Alex from my Happy Parents Happy Baby antenatal group said “it’s been tough being stuck near our flats in the winter. It’s impossible to change nappies and feed babies in freezing temperatures when all the cafes and coffee shops are closed – previously a new Mum’s saviour”.
ups and downs
It’s easy for our mood to go from sky high elation to doom and gloom in a matter of moments. There are instances of absolute pure and adoring joy and then the next thinking what on earth has happened to my life? Despite wanting this more than ever and having such a long and hard journey to get here it is definitely not easy.
As an advocate of wellbeing I am determined to take on this biggest challenge of my life and still feel my best self. I am determined to treat myself and my family with kindness and nurture myself.
So here are my top ways of keeping myself healthy in body and mind in the first 4 months of having my new baby:
1. Prioritise self-care:
Obviously our tiny new person comes first and dictates our lives entirely. However, I figure that if I don’t look after myself I can’t be the best version of myself for her. So I try to do at least one act of self-care each day, even if that means just having a 3 min shower (which is the most amazing thing at the moment).
2. Staying completely rooted in the present moment:
Knowing that the current emotion, mood, thought or situation won’t last is so helpful. It’s so easy to feel absolutely overwhelmed with the huge change in lifestyle, not to mention suddenly being responsible for a tiny little human. It’s also hard to sift through the trillions of bits of advice, info and tips you are meant to know/take on board so staying rooted in the present helps to prevent feeling overwhelmed.
In the early days it was really helpful to say to myself that I wouldn’t feel like this forever. The fog and the hormone cloud definitely clears after 8-12 weeks and I started to feel much more like my old self again.
3. Meditate whilst feeding:
It’s hard to find my usual 10 minutes a day to meditate quietly on my own. So I do one meditation a day whilst feeding when she is calm and still (not always possible!). It’s amazing to close my eyes and really focus on my breath whilst my baby feeds and stay absolutely focused on the sensations and our bodies breathing together. It’s also really useful to meditate when I am trying to get back to sleep in the middle of the night after a feed. See my previous post on the power of meditation here.
4. Deep breathing:
It’s important to practise deep breathing to get the core abdominal muscles back into shape after pregnancy. Especially to help remove the classic c-section bulge no one tells you you get!
I apply the tiny habits method (see my previous blog post) to attach this habit to existing daily routines. I do deep abdominal breathing twice a day during a shower and just before I go to sleep (which also serves to slow down my nervous system ready for bed). There are some great videos on how to do this properly out there. See this video by BodyFit by Amy here. A good one for healing diastasis recti (separation of the abdominals after pregnancy) is here from Pregnancy and Postpartum TV.
5. Exercise:
It’s hard when so stretched for time but there are so many ways to fit exercise in to your life as a new parent. Exercise is so important to feel our best selves as well as to help shift the baby weight and get back into pre-pregnancy shape.
Thinking about exercising throughout the day rather than in one chunk is helpful. For example, doing press-ups over my baby as she plays on my yoga mat so I can give her eye contact.
Walking is such a joy after having a baby especially as a way of getting back in to exercise slowly. It was my way of healing myself and getting stronger after my c-section. Alex said “walking is a brilliant way to be mindful. It also allowed me to catch up with family remotely on the phone whilst the baby sleeps – a win win!”
I’ll write a new post about this in more detail soon. See my previous post on how to fit exercise throughout your day here.
6. Eating and drinking well:
It’s so important to treat ourselves kindly and eat nutritious and healthy food at all times but especially when sleep deprived and exhausted. I try to always make sure I eat a mostly plant based diet with enough protein and choose wholegrain where possible. Treats are also essential so I am enjoying chocolate and the odd beer or glass of wine!
Staying hydrated is particularly important with a newborn, especially if you are breastfeeding. I keep a 1 litre bottle of water with me at all times. Often I am feeding and not able to move so it’s really important to always be drinking water.
7. Practising self-compassion
Practising self compassion as a new parent is a really important tool and one which research has shown will benefit both parents and their kids. It’s essential to embrace the 3 core principles of self-compassion:
- treat ourselves with kindness
- stay rooted in the present moment
- be aware that we are going through this experience with so many others who are likely to have had, or be having, similar struggles.
See my previous blog post on self-compassion here. Simply acknowledging that the moment is hard and telling myself I am doing OK helps a lot. There are some great resources on self-compassion on Kristin Neff’s website here. There’s also some specific guidance on self-compassion for parents here.
8. Ask for help and stay connected:
It’s hard and it’s OK to ask for help. It’s been so difficult learning to parent in lockdown without the support we would normally have had. We’ve had to adapt and take help where we can. I had some really amazing help with breastfeeding throughout the first 3 months from the wonderful HENRY Team. Without reaching out to them it would have been so much tougher. The La Leche League also provides a very useful source of support for new parents including counsellors and a support group.
Connecting with other new parents is also really helpful to feel less isolated and share the worries and concerns we all naturally feel as new parents. My Happy Parents Happy Baby group is invaluable as a support network.
9. Don’t put too much pressure on myself:
It’s easier to accept that the to do list will never get completed and it’s OK to not get stuff done as I used to pre-baby. It takes so much longer to do anything with a newborn baby so expectations need to be adjusted for what we can achieve in any given moment. I try to appreciate the small wins. Like managing to do 5 minutes of yoga when she’s happily lying on the mat. Or making soup with her sitting in the bouncy chair and me using one leg to bounce her up. But I also try not to worry if plans go out of the window in the next moment.
It’s also been really important not to compare myself, or my baby, with others. We are all different, as are our babies, and we all do things in our own ways. New parents can feel a lot of pressure to conform to a certain way of doing things. I found listening to my own intuition more important than trying to do what others do/tell us to do.
10. Sleep sleep sleep!
Obviously sleep is disrupted with a newborn and I knew I’d be tired. I always thought I’d feel permanently like I do when I get home from 5 days at Glastonbury, i.e. dead to the world and walking around in a zombified state with a never-ending hangover! But thankfully it doesn’t seem to be as bad as that.
Somehow I seem to have adjusted to thinking a 4 hour stretch of sleep is equivalent to a full night. I now only seem to have a midweek gig hangover, equivalent to a few too many cans of red stripes of permanent state of tiredness. So this feels like a win.
In the early days I took naps wherever I could and now it’s going to bed at 9pm other than Fridays where I let myself stay up. Otherwise life is just a bit too dull! Telling ourselves this won’t last forever also helps.
